Beloved: What's that!
Beloved: That's a hickey! Why do you have a hickey? Who gave you that hickey?
OldestStepson: It was ******* (AKA FormerPsychoGirlfriendWhomWeDoNotLikeAndHadHopedSheWasGoneforGood).
Beloved: When did you see (gulp) her? (AKA FormerPsychoGirlfriendWhomWeDoNotLikeAndHadHopedSheWasGoneforGood)
OldestStepson: I was just hanging out with a group of friends last night and she was there.
Beloved: And how did she go from being there to that thing on your neck?
OldestStepson: She was just playing around, trying to tease me.
NativeMom: A hickey! Who gives hickeys? Were you and your friends just hanging out at the trailer park drinking Boonesfarm and sharing stories from the "good old days" of high school before the kids came along and then you graduated? Saturday night at the trailer park, the illegitimate kids running around barefoot playing with the dogs in the dirt under the trailer with some Sweet Home Alabama coming from the truck parked with the door cocked open nearby?
OldestStepson: What? What are you talking about?
NativeMom: Do I look like I'm raising White Trash around here?!?
OldestStepson: You're weird.