Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Benefits of Friendship

Being my friend means there's a good chance you'll be written about here at some point. Just sayin'

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Red Ribbon Week - It isn't always what you think

So this week is Red Ribbon Week in the public schools. It's a national campaign to discourage kids from using drugs. MiniMe's school is engaging the students by letting them dress according to a different theme each day. Yesterday was wacky sunglasses day. Today was Twins day. Tomorrow is crazy sock day.

I asked MiniMe if she had a Twin for the day.

"No basically I'm a loner."

You've got plenty of friends! None of them wanted to dress the same with you?

"No, no one wanted to be my twin."

Just then we stop in the parent drop off line. An eighth grade boy gets out of the truck in front of us. MiniMe says "That's Thor."

His name is Thor?

"Yes and he's always high. I didn't think he'd come to school during Red Ribbon Week since he comes to school high every day."

Well maybe, since he's high, he misunderstood what Red Ribbon Week was all about.

MiniMe laughs "Yea he's like, Dude!?! I thought this was the week students got drugs. Not cool."

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bikes Take Over Daytona Beach

It's Biketoberfest in my little slice of the world. Many people grumble about it but I get out among the visitors  and have a good time. Bikers are friendly people. And they're not afraid to show it.

Yesterday my friend SandArt (in the photo on the right) and I went around to several Biketoberfest locations to get photos to post on the Biketoberfest website and Facebook page (that's one of my jobs, really). You rarely see two single ladies wandering around alone (with no mans) at Biketoberfest (unless they're attractive young J├Ągermeister girls). We were not young nor were we selling shots.

Anyway, back to Bikers being friendly. When returning to my car after one of our stops, I found a few guys standing around their bikes and they were blocking in my Hyundai. As we approached I said "I like your bike" to the one parked up against my bumper. This was my Southern Lady way of saying "Move your ass."

They guys all start chatting us up and one asks "Where are your bikes?"

I say, "We're in the Hyundai-Davidson today."

Bumper guy says, "Well it looks good." and as I turn my back to climb into my car he says "That looks real good." Meaning my butt. See what I mean about them being a friendly bunch?

At our next stop SandArt and I plop down on a couple of rocking chairs on the bar's porch where we had a great view of the comings and goings. This is a new establishment, only open a week. It's called the "Beaver Bar." Yea, I know.

So I say to SandArt "They've really spruced this place up and I love the rocking chairs. In fact, you can tell they're freshly painted."

At that point the guy sitting next to me and his buddies say "These are freshly painted and I think yours might still be wet."

"No," I say,"it's fine."

They keep insisting the chair is wet and finally one stands up, grabs my arm and "gently" pulls me out of the chair. At that point the other guys all crane their necks and say "yep, you got paint on you."

I say, "No I don't but I hope you enjoyed checking out my ass."

They were very pleased with themselves. Then bought us a beer. See, hospitable group and sooooo friendly.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Mom On Strike!

A few years ago one of my best friends "Voice of Reason" went on strike. Her kids were giving her a hard time, not doing their chores, etc. We've all been there, right?

There's also a time when all of us reach our limit. Yesterday was mine. I am now officially on strike.

MiniMe has ignored my requests to help out around the house and do her chores. I'm tired of telling her the same thing over and over and over again. So last night when she blew off my request to do one simple thing and instead went to her room to watch tv and sleep, I declared my independence.

When she came downstairs an hour later and had the nerve to ask me when I was going to have dinner ready because she was starving, I said "Well I ate already, but you can make your dinner whenever you want."

Quizzical look from MiniMe. "You're not making dinner."

Whyshould I make you dinner when you didn't do what I asked you to do 3 hours ago? In fact I asked you 3 times.

With a look of horror settling in "I was going to do it after dinner."

Well, you still can, I said, only I'm not making dinner. Tonight or any other night until you start pulling your wait around here.

"What do you mean? You're not cooking this week?"

I mean I'm on Strike! I'm not cooking, not making your breakfast, not washing and folding your clothes (which you just plop on the floor in a big pile anyway), not driving you to the bus stop.

We've been in an icy cold stalemate ever since.

I'm not worried. Voice of Reason said her strike lasted about a week, or until the bread and peanut butter ran out.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Reality Show Squared

Hello, my name is Native Mom and I'm addicted to TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress."

First let me say I hate reality shows. Second, I'm kinda getting sucked in to watching episode after episode of TLC's Say Yes to the Dress. This is a show where young ladies bring their families along to find the perfect wedding dress at several different upscale wedding dress shoppes across the country.

Third, since I'm recently divorced, this fascination with a show about wedding dress shopping is either extremely ironic or kinda psychotic. I say, maybe a bit of both.

What sucks me in to this show is how many people the brides-to-be bring with them to shop for a dress. The show Entourage comes to mind.

And did I mention the budget? $5,000 for a wedding dress?!? You know, when you're buying your first house, banks don't accept used overpriced designer wedding dresses as part of your down payment.

Wha't's up with the strapless gown. Why does every single bride want a strapless gown? I think the halter dress neckline is highly underrated.

So tonight I watched an episode of New Jersey Medium (it came on after Say Yes to the Dress and I didn't change the channel quick enough).

But it led to a brilliant idea. What if TLC combined Say Yes to the Dress and New Jersey Medium? Potential brides would have to go through a private reading with the medium before shopping. Possible advice from the medium ...

"Don't take the advice of your bridesmaids. The dress they like really looks horrible on you."

"Tell your wedding dress consultant in no uncertain terms not to bring you a dress that's $1,500 over your budget!"

"What were you thinking bringing your gay best friend with you? He won't like anything subtle or traditional."

They could call the show The Spirits Say Yes to the Dress. It could be  big hit.