Monday, May 31, 2010

Alligator CSI

Florida Wildlife Officers used CSI like methods to arrest a dumbass man for alligator poaching in Ft. Lauderdale. Along with the usual crime-solving methods -eye-witness reports, spent shell casings linking the dumbass man from Pompano Beach, blood in his truck - the Wildlife Officers used DNA to determine the blood found in his truck came from an alligator, in fact the same alligator killed illegally at a nearby boat ramp.

The man told wildlife investigators the blood came from a rabbit he killed on a recent hunting trip. With that much blood, that had to be one big-ass rabbit!

Several eyewitnesses reported they saw Mark Montgomery Jr. (here's hoping Sr isn't as much of an idiot), lure the alligator with marshmallows, then shoot it in the head 7 times with a rifle. One eyewitness asked Montgomery "Is that illegal?"  Yea, he replied as he loaded the dead alligator into the bed of his truck. Thankfully, the witnesses called officials and provided his tag number.

Investigators compared the "rabbit blood" with blood taken from the scene. Of course it was a match. This case marks the first time the wildlife commission has utilized DNA for an alligator poaching case. Montgomery was charged with killing the alligator without a permit, without using legal methods,  and with the illegal use of marshmallows.

I'm thinking backwoods idiots like Montgomery never really stand a chance of avoiding conviction with the old tried and trued sleuthing practices our state wildlife officials already had at their disposal. But with DNA testing, these morons are outsmarted on a whole new level. Kind of like shooting redneck fish in a barrel (after filling em up on marshmallows).


The Florida Blogger said...

I'm thinking if you're dumb enough to tell someone its illegal to be harvesting gators then you should be arrested. Let's just call it Darwinism at its best!

Conchscooter said...

Thank heavens the eye witness was smart enough to write down the tag (accurately). You'd be amazed how many alert citizens forget to note the tag.
I ate alligator once. The batter was good but the thought of what I was eating nearly choked me. I don't think we are meant to eat dinsaurs.